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Genital Jousting (PC-Steam) *NSFW*

Developed by Free Lives, Genital Jousting is available now on PC (Steam) for £5.19.


When the opportunity arose to review Genital Jousting, I must admit that I was intrigued. Yes, the game is exactly like it sounds so if you happen to be a sensitive soul then perhaps this game/review is not for you and I’d advise turning back now.

If you’re still reading, then I guess you’re just as dark humoured as I am, so let’s crack on.

Genital Jousting is a game in which you play as a detached penis equipped with testicles and anus. Its cartoon style design makes it a lot easier to swallow as a light-hearted game that no one should really be taking too seriously.


There is full controller support which I was very happy with as I’ve never really been able to fully adjust to using a mouse and keyboard when gaming. With this in mind, the controls were easy to pick up. Controlling the penis was challenging and at first movement was unruly (I think it is supposed to be) but I had it under wraps in no time. You can move the penis from either its head or the anus which helps when you inevitably find yourself stuck somewhere. There were a few shock moments for me, the biggest one was when innocently sliding past a willy shaped worm, it flew up into my anus!

Genital Jousting does have a story mode which was included as part of its full release, so I’ll try not to spoil too much of it for you because I really do think that it’s brilliant and I’m not ashamed to say that I loved (nearly) every minute of playing it.

You’ll play as John who has a high school reunion coming up soon and he wants to find someone to take as his date, so he doesn’t look totally impotent. Surprisingly, there is a lesson to be learned from playing through John’s plight. Quite frankly, it is a pretty relatable tale in parts for some.


For the most part, the game runs effortlessly and without any framerate issues or screen tearing, however, mid-way through the story, the next chapter didn’t load. Thankfully the chapters aren’t too long so a simple restart fixed my issue. Happily, I didn’t lose too much time and progress, but it was a frustrating hitch in an almost unblemished experience.

The sound effects are brilliantly cringe-worthy, specifically when something gets rear-ended. What struck me the most throughout the story is how fantastically narrated it was. The voice acting was absolutely superb, and I really don’t know how they managed to keep such a serious tone in the face of all of the madness.

As well as having a story, Genital Jousting also has both local and online multiplayer for up to 8 players, you know, for when you want to thrust your flaccid penis into friends’, or total (consenting but anonymous) strangers’ rectal sphincters. With a combination of traditional and party games, there is a wide range of games to play such as wrestling, racing and general penetration of sorts, just to name a few. The winner is the first person to stretch their shaft over the finish line.


Naturally, you can customise your phallus in whichever colour or costume you prefer, so you can really put your own distinctive touch on it. As you progress through you’ll find yourself unlocking more customisation options and modes to play. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any online matches so was left somewhat unsatisfied and forced to play local, not a problem but I’m not a huge fan of crowding around a PC and I don't have enough USB ports spare for extra controllers either.  


Overall, Genital Jousting is a lot of fun to play be it alone or with friends, especially after having a few drinks. For the price, there is a lot you can get stuck into and I’ve only encountered one issue which although irritating at the time, didn’t lose me too much progress. If I had to give it a score it would be 8/10. I haven’t laughed so much at a game in a long time so I'd recommend it by the story alone.


Genital Jousting currently has no Steam achievements available at the time of writing this review.

A game code was provided for the purpose of this review. Thank you!
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